November 5, 2006
My Dear New Life Church Family,
I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal, and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you.
I have an overwhelming, all-consuming sadness in my heart for the pain that you and I and my family have experienced over the past few days. I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment to all of you.
I asked that this note be read to you this morning so I could clarify my heart's condition to you. The last four days have been so difficult for me, my family and all of you, and I have further confused the situation with some of the things I've said during interviews with reporters who would catch me coming or going from my home. But I alone am responsible for the confusion caused by my inconsistent statements. The fact is, I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem.
I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life. For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.
Through the years, I’ve sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them.
The public person I was wasn’t a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe.
The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry. Our church's overseers have required me to submit to the oversight of Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Jack Hayford, and Pastor Tommy Barnett. Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage, and my family. I created this entire situation. The things that I did opened the door for additional allegations. But I am responsible; I alone need to be disciplined and corrected. An example must be set.
It is important that you know how much I love and appreciate my wife, Gayle. What I did should never reflect in a negative way on her relationship with me. She has been and continues to be incredible. The problem was not with her, my children, or any of you. It was created 100% by me.
I have been permanently removed from the office of Senior Pastor of New Life Church. Until a new senior pastor is chosen, our Associate Senior Pastor, Ross Parsley, will assume all of the responsibilities of the office. On the day he accepted this new role, he and his wife, Aimee, had a new baby boy. A new life in the midst of this circumstance—I consider that confluence of events to be prophetic. Please commit to join with Pastor Ross and the others in church leadership to make their service to you easy and without burden. They are fine leaders. You are blessed.
I appreciate your loving and forgiving nature, and I humbly ask you to do a few things:
1. Please stay faithful to God through service and giving.
2. Please forgive me. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I caused this and I have no excuse. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed.
3. Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his actions will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn’t violate you; I did.
4. Please stay faithful to each other. Perform your functions well. Encourage each other and rejoice in God’s faithfulness. Our church body is a beautiful body, and like every family, our strength is tested and proven in the midst of adversity.
Because of the negative publicity I’ve created with my foolishness, we can now demonstrate to the world how our sick and wounded can be healed, and how even disappointed and betrayed church bodies can prosper and rejoice.
Gayle and I need to be gone for a while. We will never return to a leadership role at New Life Church. In our hearts, we will always be members of this body. We love you as our family. I know this situation will put you to the test. I’m sorry I’ve created the test, but please rise to this challenge and demonstrate the incredible grace that is available to all of us.
Ted Haggard
November 5, 2006
Dear Women of New Life Church,
I am so sorry for the circumstances that have led me to write this letter to you today. I know your hearts are broken; mine is as well. Yet my hope rests steadfastly in the Lord who is forever faithful.
What I want you to know is that I love my husband, Ted Haggard, with all my heart. I am committed to him until death “do us part.” We started this journey together and with the grace of God, we will finish together.
If I were standing before you today, I would not change one iota of what I have been teaching the women of our church. For those of you who have been concerned that my marriage was so perfect I could not possibly relate to the women who are facing great difficulties, know that this will never again be the case. My test has begun; watch me. I will try to prove myself faithful.
I love you all so much, especially you young women—you were my delight.
To all the church family of new Life Church—Ted and I are so proud of you. You are all we hoped you would be. In our minds, there is no greater church.
As you try to make sense of these past few days, know that Ted believes with all his heart and soul everything he has ever taught you, those things you are putting into practice. He is now the visible and public evidence that every man (woman and child) needs a Savior.
We are grateful for your prayers for our family.
I hold you forever in my heart,
Gayle Haggard
Assuming that these letters are geniune, and I have no reason to believe that they aren't, I believe that this couple will make it. I believe that Ted Haggard loves God, and I believe that God loves him and wants to bring him to full reconciliation and healing. I believe that it is not my place to judge him for what he has done. I believe that the same grace that covers my sins extends to Ted Haggard.
What worries me most is the impact that this story will have, not on cynics and non-believers who are relishing in another hypocrite exposed, but on brand new believers who will undoubtedly be confused by this.
Just last night I was talking to a friend who has only been a believer for a few short months. She was disallusioned because so many married men hit on her, and she was wondering if there are ANY decent men anywhere. I was encouraging her to make one of her requirements when dating someone that the man have a personal relationship with God. This is what grounds us, I told her. People who don't answer to a higher power than themselves will undoubtedly make bad choices if they live by just doing whatever feels right at the time.
So, how do you explain the actions of Ted Haggard, a man who does have a personal relationship with God, and who is the pastor of a huge congregation? We can't just write him off and say he probably wasn't really a believer to begin with, because I honestly don't believe that. I've struggled with my own flesh enough to know better.
What it took me a long time to learn is that my spirit is a totally separate thing from my body and soul. It is sealed, and Satan can't get to it no matter how hard he tries. But as long as I'm here on earth, he has access to my flesh. This is why we can relate to Paul in Romans 7, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Thankfully, it is because of God's grace that our identify is defined by our spirit, not by our flesh.
This recent exposure for Mr. Haggard was certainly best for him in the long run. He obviously needed help and now he will be free to receive it. My heart breaks for him as I read his agonizing confession. His sin is no worse than any other, except possibly for the fact that he is accountable for his congregation. I know he will one day look back at this point on his spiritual road and thank God for giving him a chance to break free from the bondage that he's been in for so long.
My prayer is that the disallusionment about the church that is sure to follow will not win in the hearts of those precious new believers and those still seeking the Truth. I know that right now Satan is doing a victory dance. I just pray that one day we will be able to look at this moment in time through the lens of Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." May it be so.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Amen. It will be hard for new belivers and non-believers alike to understand why this man has put all the blame on himself. He did not blame it on a bad marriage, the pressures of a high profile job or a disturbing childhood. He blamed it all on the sins of his own flesh. I think it takes a great man to admit that to the whole world as he has. How many people do we admit our sins to?
Post a Comment