I'm struggling with how to write about this, because I have no way of putting myself into the place of the Edwards. My husband has never run for president. I have never had breast cancer. I've certainly never had it return with such a scary prognosis. So I honestly can't say how I would react in such a situation, as my good friend pointed out last night. Perhaps I would want him to go ahead and run in defiance of the disease. Personally, I think I might be too selfish for that. I would want my man home with me, helping me through the agony of chemo or whatever option we chose for treatment without the insane life of the campaign trail. But that's me.

What really bothers me about the whole thing is the way it has all come out. I find it very suspicious that a story leaked the morning of his big announcement to say that they were getting out of the race, like anyone would have expected him to do. It came from a "very reliable" source, "extremely close to the Edwards campaign." We know how leaks work. They meant for that to get out. If you weren't going to get out of the race, why call a press conference in the first place? Okay, so maybe they thought it would be better PR if they came out and admitted that he was going to keep campaigning while she was fighting death than for it to leak, which probably would have made him look like a sleazebag. I can see that. But the whole thing had a very contrived and exploitative feel to it. Maybe it's just because John Edwards feels contrived and exploitative.

I honestly wish Elizabeth Edwards the best. I hope that she is able to beat this cancer. I hope that she sincerely does want her husband to keep up the campaign pace throughout her suffering and she wasn't put up to it for the supposed good of the nation. As if we need that. How good can his judgement be if he tied his presidential hopes to John Kerry? And I can only stomach the geeky thumbs-up through the primary season. I really don't want to have to look at it for the next 18 months and, God forbid, four years after that. One presidential campaign was more than enough!

The cynical side of me thinks that perhaps he's just seen The American President one too many times. But I think this was exactly the kind of press he was hoping for. The super-cynical part of me wonders how long until Hillary comes up with some mysterious illness of her own, so as not to be upstaged. Ouch - did I just say that? Perhaps I'm up too early.

I'll reserve further comment until I see how it plays out. If this is the last we hear about the cancer from them until there is something major to report, then I'll take it back. But if they release each and every doctor's report, then I'm holding to my theory that they are allowing her disease to be exploited for political gain. I guess either way I am judging. I'll have to think about that.