If there's one lesson that God has taught me over the past month, it's be careful what you pray for. If you pray and sincerely ask God to change you and bring you into a closer intimacy with Him no matter what it takes, be prepared for Him to do it. And chances are that it is not going to be all that pleasant.

Those who know me well will tell you that I'm not the same person I was a few weeks ago. My journey to India was only the beginning. The changes that began in me there have done nothing but harbor more since I've been home. Things that used to be so important to me are just gone. As hard as I've tried to pay attention to what's going on in politics (which I admit isn't really all that hard at all) I just can't make myself care. The whole thing seems utterly pointless. Rationally, I know that who becomes President next year does matter, but emotionally I just can't get there. Perhaps if there was a greater difference between the three potentials I might be more into it. But it just seems a little pathetic to me right now.

For the past year, I've prayed that God would burn things off of me that were dead and keeping me from going to the next level with Him. Apparently, He took me seriously. Some of what He is teaching me is just too personal and painful to blog about. But some things are about materialism and greed and our tendency to horde stuff. My family spent this past weekend cleaning out our bonus room and just purging it of all the things that never get used or played with. Yesterday, the kids and I took a huge load to Safe Haven, a family shelter in downtown Nashville. As we were driving through the neighborhood, I turned everything off and had the kids just look around. I want them to understand that the way they live is just not the way it is for the majority of people in this world, including people very near where they live. I'm not sure what else we're going to do to try to change their worldview, but I'm determined to try.

I will say this, though. I've never been more convinced that my God is real. If He wasn't, then there would be no Satan. And I assure you that we have an Enemy, and he crawls around like a devouring lion seeking the perfect time of attack. He is doing his best to knock me down right now, and my only strength comes from the Word of God and the knowledge that he has already been defeated.

I'm learning what it means to rejoice in your suffering. That never really made sense to me before. But when you know that your trials are a result of God pruning you and disciplining you, there is so much hope there. I believe that He wouldn't be allowing any of this if He didn't fully intend it for my eventual good. There really is comfort in that. He started this work in me, and He will be faithful to complete it. I know that He is answering my prayer to bring me closer to Him, and that He wouldn't do that if He didn't love me. I discipline my kids to make them better people. He is doing the same.

So you'll have to forgive me if you don't recognize me right now. I don't really even recognize myself at this point. I don't even want ice cream anymore. What is that about? That doesn't seem necessary. :)

Perhaps once all of this gets sorted out the old LA and the new LA will merge together into someone we can recognize and love. Until then, I hope you can be patient with me and love me anyway.