This is Wadson. He was born on March 14, 1999, the day before my oldest child. He is one of seven children living with his parents in extreme poverty in the country of Haiti. And I have no way of knowing whether he is alive or dead.

We began sponsoring Wadson in 2003, when he was four years old. We chose him because he was almost exactly the same age as Bradley, and he is sponsored in Bradley's name. His picture sits on the side of my refrigerator, next to the Joey's Pizza magnet, hovering above the K-cup turnabout. I rarely think about him, except for the occasions when my eyes pass over his picture and I breathe a quick prayer for his day.

I haven't been the best sponsor. I receive his yearly report and picture with joy, and Brad and I enjoy reading over it together. We have been faithful to send in our monthly pledge for the past 6 1/2 years. But in all that time I think we've only sent one letter and picture outside of the easy form ones World Vision provides. Primarily because of the slight inconvenience of finding the address and figuring out how it is I'm supposed to go about it. It's just not been a top priority.

But for the past two days I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I'm stunned to think that he and his family may not have survived the terrible earthquake that has turned Haiti into a living hell. Reports of fatalities range anywhere from 50,000 to 500,000. That is a huge gap. But even if it is a mere 50,000 people lost, that is twice the number of people that live in my town. It's more than the population of nearby Franklin. Imagine if the entire city of Franklin were wiped out in an instant. We can't.

So, like many of you, I find myself driven to and away from the news reports in regular intervals. I seek it out, desperate for signs of hope that things are starting to get better, turned away by the images of suffering, chaos and death.

For the great majority of us, our first instinct is "What can I do?" We want desperately to play a part in relieving suffering. It is one of my favorite things about Americans, that we do respond so overwhelmingly when crises hit. Sadly, it is one of the few things that unifies us, though only for a brief period of time.

This overwhelming urge to help, to make things right, even in non-believers points directly to God. Our sense of what is good and right and fair comes from Him. We know this is not the way things were designed to be. We cry out to Him for mercy. How many prayers have been lifted for this long-ignored nation in the past three days, even by people who don't really know the One they pray to?

I am bothered by the millions of dollars our government is promising to Haiti, even though I realize that there is no way we could not. But our government is rocketing towards bankruptcy. What good is the promise of millions when we don't have it to share? In reality, that number most likely pales in comparison to the amount that individual citizens of this country and others have pulled out of their wallets and sent to Haiti on their own through various charities and organizations. This is my preference. Americans are very generous when faced with a grave need. We will rise to the occasion without the government's intervention.

So what do I do now? My inquiry into World Vision was answered exactly as I thought it would be. "When we know, we'll let you know." So I sit and wait, perhaps for weeks, wondering if this precious child that I've sponsored, and yet not truly loved, is alive. If he is, our sponsorship will become far more than sending a check each month. The life Wadson lives and the suffering he is accustomed to has suddenly become very real to us. If he is not, I will grieve. I will grieve because I could have done more for him while he was here. I could have been more than a check in the mail. I could have been a friend.