I'm feeling reflective tonight, and figured the blog would be a good place to get out some of what's rumbling around in my head. Tomorrow I'll turn 35 years old. I'm officially old enough to run for the Presidency. I'm at least 10 years older than most college football players. I'm equally as close to 50 as I am to 20. My oldest son will be in double digits on his next birthday and is six years away from getting behind the wheel of a car. My parents are retired and my grandparents are in their 90s. I'm officially middle-aged. Yikes.

The thing is, I wouldn't go back a single minute. I feel better physically, mentally, emotionally and, above all, spiritually than I have ever felt. God has done more in my life over the past year than all the previous ones combined. I finally feel free.

Yes, each day brings dozens of mundane tasks that have to be accomplished, like laundry and diapers and dishes. But I'm learning what it means to find God's mercies new every morning. Each day brings a new laugh from one of my children, a new reason to love my husband and another chance to dig into the treasures of the Word and find something precious to behold.

I don't think anyone who knows me well would disagree that post-India LA is a totally different person than I was before I went. It wasn't so much geography that changed me, as how God used that trip to open my eyes to things that I was either oblivious to or in full knowledge of, yet had no understanding of how to deal with.

In India I encountered many people for whom Christianity was not just a part of who they were; it was their total identity. In a land full of opposition, there is no way to half-follow Christ. When you make that choice, it permeates everything about you. While it was a tremendous joy to be around such sold-out believers, I was suddenly confronted with my own spiritual mediocrity in a way that I hadn't expected.

In many ways, I feel like I had a Damascus Road experience with the Lord this year. I feel like he temporarily blinded me with the magnitude of my own depravity so that for a time I could do nothing but cry out to Him for mercy and protection. And now that I'm on the other side, my sole purpose for living is to know Him more and share His love with a lost and dying world, some of whom don't even know they're lost.

Does that mean I've reached some sort of spiritual plateau now and God is free to move on and do something else? Far from it! There are still so many things that need to change in my heart and my flesh. Every day of life on this earth will bring further sanctification. God will always have plenty of material to choose from when it comes to helping me become more holy. I've asked Him to burn everything off of me that doesn't bring Him glory or make me more like Him. Trust me when I tell you I've got enough fuel to burn to last many lifetimes.

What has changed the most is the way I view my relationship with Him. It is more intimate than it has ever been. This year I feel like I've actually begun to know Him, rather than ever learning more about Him. He is so close, and wants desperately for me to pursue Him the way that He is in constant pursuit of me (and each one of you.) He is desperate for me to love Him more than anything else. His desire is for my worship, far more than my service. It is a beautiful thing. I love Him so.

All this to say, I wouldn't trade this birthday for a single one in my past. It is a mile marker, not only in my life on this planet, but in my walk with God. He's blessed me with an amazing support team of family and friends, and I hope you'll keep walking with me for many years to come. I can't wait to see what lies on the road ahead.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12:1